Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together to welcome Sunderland #9, Fat Ronaldo.

Not a lot of people put their hands together to welcome him. There was a general feeling of ‘what the fuck?’ around the club, and the press gawked at him with the bug-eyed disbelief of mid-western tourists stumbling upon a beached whale at his unveiling. Peasants. They couldn’t see what I saw, their little minds couldn’t comprehend the magnitude of awesomeness that was about to be unleashed. Fat Ronaldo would rise from the ashes like a magnificent phoenix, and deliver me the sword of Gryffindor to slay all those in my path to European domination. And I would call him Fawkes, and he would know me as Harry, and I would make 15 babies with Hermione…

I told the team before the game started to go out there and impress me. They failed. I sat and watched these bastards run around for an hour and a half, and one goddamn goal is all they could manage. The defense wasn’t challenged at all, so I couldn’t really assess the back-line situation, but the attacking play was abysmal. Despite 61% possession, we created only 1 real chance, the one we put away, and that was down to some individual brilliance by Kenwyne Jones. He received a long pass from Cana, burst through two defenders Fat Ronaldo style, and put it past the keeper at the near post. I thought he would be as useful as a bag of dog turds in my plans for the season, but he might have a thing or two to offer after all. Aside from that, the guys just sort of stood around and did nothing. Steed was the exception though, Steed was magnificent. That’s a bit hyperbolic, but he did do better than the other clowns, making some good runs up the right flank.

From the reserve side, 16 year old central defender Louis Laing really stood, and he’s going to be one of the few in my youth side to watch for the future.

Team Stats for the game:

I didn’t really mess with the tactics too much yet, since this isn’t the final team I’ll put out for the season. Just set a couple of the players roles, Bent as a poacher, Jones as target man, Steed and Reid as wingers, Cana as a ball winner and Cattermole as a deep lying playmaker. Playing philosophy was balanced with shorter passing and aggressive tackling.

This shit-show made it clear that heavy activity in the transfer market was unavoidable, which brings us to…

Transfers

Based on suggestions from comments here and what my lousy scouts have come back with, I’ve been bidding on about 30 different players trying to get good deals. Artem Milevskyi was a primary target, but I lost a bidding war Atalanta. Very disappointing. Anyways, after tons of bidding and negotiations, I have a few of players that have agreed to terms with us. I’ve delayed all the transfers for the time being to see who you guys think I should get out of these, and any other rec’s for money left over

Total cash: $22 Million

Javier Garrido (DL) for $3.5 Million
Paolo De Ceglie (DL/ML) for $4 Million upfront, $7 Million over 2 years
Cristian Ansaldi (up and down both flanks) for $4.8 Million
Guillermo Ochoa (GK) for $4.6 Million
Jack Wilshere (AM RLC) on a season long loan for a fee of $3.3 Million
Rivaldo for $1 Million

Personally, I’m leaning towards getting De Ceglie, Ansaldi, and Ochoa, as they seem like good bets for the long term. De Ceglie is a little pricey, but since the payment is deferred I’ll worry about that later. I want him primarily for left back but he can cover for Reid in midfield as well.

With that combination I’m left with about $7 Million to spend. Haven’t been able to lock in any of the attackers I wanted in that budget (Artem, Yago, Stoch, Piatti, Mcgeady, Hazard, Faubert, De Guzman, Aissati, Afellay). If all else fails I can get Wilshere for the season, and that at least gives me something to work with on Steed’s day off. 37 year old Rivaldo is willing to come play for me as well…

Anyhow, help will be appreciated, as were all previous suggestions.

It doesn’t take long for the shit-show to kick into high gear. Black takes me into the offices to meet the coaching and scouting staff. No pleasantries are exchanged. As soon I walk through the conference room door, these bastards are falling all over each other yelling random bits of information at me. I have to use my outdoor voice to gain some control of the room, and then allow these ruffians to ‘advise’ me one at a time. I dismiss most of the recommendations they make for transfers, but they do share some valuable insight on the squad and how it stacks up against other teams in the league. It doesn’t sound too good:

-Shortest squad in the league
-Worst at passing
-Slowest
-Amongst the bottom few in dribbling, technique and first touch
-Fairly poor fitness levels
-One of the youngest squads
-Poor determination
-Highly aggressive

They make it sound like we have a team of angry little hobbits bumbling up and down the pitch. I thank them all for their time, accompanied by my best fake smile, and, snapping my fingers for Black to follow, retire to my office to plot my next move.

I have 12 days until the preseason kicks off against Sheffield Wednesday. In these 12 days I want to make most of my transfers, because this squad will need every single one of those friendlies to be prepared for the first few league games. I glance up at the schedule; the FA hasn’t been kind to us at all. The first four games are away at Chelsea, home against Tottenham, away at Man City, home to Liverpool. Four games that could define our season. There is no time to waste. The board has given me $22 million, and every cent will be spent. I pull a shortlist out of my brief case and hand it to Black. The scouts are to be dispatched immediately. Bad information will be punishable by death, or ridicule at the very least. Go forth, little scouts, be my eyes and ears. Perhaps nose as well, if sniffing for talent. No touching or tasting the talent, though: inappropriate.

The main focus of the man hunt is to find full backs, since George McCartney and Phil Bardsley kind of suck, and there’s no cover for the positions. An attacker also seems necessary, ideally one that can play out wide as well as up top. Van Persie, my love… Anyways, the options are numerous at the moment, and I will let my scouts do some leg work before I pick out key targets.

I tell Black to arrange an intrasquad friendly for the next day so I can watch Steed run around.

With the minions out doing my dirty work, I thought it an appropriate time for a nap. Not to be. Goddamn press vultures waiting to pick my bones. Black escorts me to the press conference and sits me down in a roomful of these petulant fools. ‘Is this your dream job’ is the first question asked. I picture myself on the sidelines at the Emirates, wearing a red tie, cheering as Fabregas threads a perfect pass to Van Persie, who coolly slots the ball past the keeper into the back of the net. ‘Yes’, I lie flatly, ‘all my dreams are coming true.’

So… I want to extend my original offer again. Is anyone out there interested in taking over this Newcastle game I’ve got going right now, and blogging about it here on Football Manager Offside? If so, I’d be more than happy to send you a flash drive with my saved game on it.

If there are no takers, we could also open up this blog to a whole new game with a whole new blogger. Though I’d much rather see The Pog, Lewandowski, Marquinhos et al continue here on this page.

Anyone interested, please send a convincing email to daryl[at]theoffside[dot]com

Here’s how Arsenal are shaping up:

(click to enlarge)

From previous encounters, Toulalan helps Fabregas pull the strings in midfield and needs to be watched. Let’s hope Theo Walcott doesn’t recover from his fractured wrist in time. That man (he’s 22 now, and I like to imagine he now sports a full beard) is dangerous.

So we’ve got several options as to how we go about this, and – as usual – I’d like your input. Here are the questions:

1. Strategy – Do we stick with 4-1-2-1-2 and attack them? We’re at home, but they’re good. Especially in central midfield. Alternatives are: pulling the AM back to CM to form a 4-1-3-2, or maybe a cowardly 4-5-1 counter-attack. Maybe even match Arsenal with our own 4-4-2. What should we do?

2. Players – Keeper and back four picks itself. Same as last game. Jonas and Arshavin make sense as the wide players given Marquinhos bad form, Diego makes sense as AM, and Laurito has to be one of the strikers (or the lone striker).

After that it gets a bit more complicated. So, based on your answer to question 1…

a) If it’s 4-1-2-1-2 then does Veloso or Camacho start at DM?

If 4-1-3-2 or 4-4-2 then who plays central midfield? Does Diego simply drop back, or do we go with a more orthodox CM?

b) Up front, who should partner Laurito (assuming you agree Laurito should start)? Lewandowski or The Pog? The Pog is the more senior player (he’s acting captain in Coloccini’s absence) and sometimes turns it on for big games, but has hit a bad patch of form. Lewandowski looks more likely to do something right now, but isn’t exactly on fire either.

c) Given his recent useless form, does Marquinhos even deserve a look in?

Here’s a screenshot of the squad, with recent form (last five games).

(click to enlarge)

ps Don’t be fooled by The Pog’s recent form rating. He got a 9.6 in one game, which makes his recent form look artificially impressive. Without that one game he’d be in the mid to low sixes.

Laurito put us 1-0 up after just five minutes when he headed home a Jonas cross at the far post and Camacho doubled the lead with a long range shot from a wide angle in the 21st. So, 2-0 up at halftime.

Which is when I did something stupid.

Overimpressed by our total domination of the first half, I used all my substitutions at halftime.

Lewandowski –> The Pog
Marquinhos –> Arshavin (swithing Jonas left so Marq could play right)
Skjelbred –> Diego

I knew this was a stupid idea the moment the second half kicked off. One injury and I was screwed. Plus there were 45 minutes to go.

WBA made me regret it even more by scoring in the 52nd minute, and so I panicked and went more defensive (pulling Skjelbred back to CM, reducing wingers forward runs and the playing a lot narrower).

There were a few hairy moments but we clung to 2-1 until the final whistle. Lesson learned, but three points in the bag.

Final stats:


(click to enlarge)

That leaves me third, next game is at home against second place Arsenal (who in 2012 are largely the same team as today, just more grown up and with Adebayor still there). All kinds of tactical and starting XI decision to be made before that game. Will put those questions up for discussion in the next post.

For those unfamiliar with how things work here on FM Offside, the new deal is that before each game I put certain decisions up for debate, and then go with what the majority of FM Offside commenters advise.

For the game against West Brom there’s no question about tactics. It’s an away game, but WBA play a simple 4-4-2 and are – in one word – rubbish. They currently sit 17th in the Prem (we’re third, by the way) and their last five Premier League results read: 0-3, 0-2, 0-1, 0-1, 0-3.

So we’re going 4-1-2-1-2 and we’re going for the jugular. That’s not really up for debate.

But there are decisions to be made about the starting XI. Please take the time to read each question before commenting:

1. Who partners Matts Hummels in central defence – Andriy Rusol or Steven Taylor?
Coloccini is injured, Hummels is the only defender in form. Rusol started the game vs Chelsea and was average before coming off (he’s fit now though). Taylor replaced him and was equally average. Taylor is a little quicker, Rusol is a little better in the air.

2. Who starts at DM – Miguel Veloso or Ignacio Camacho?
Veloso is the man in form. But Camacho needs an easy game to find some form, especially as Veloso is cup-tied for the big Champs League game vs Barcelona. Right now I’m leaning towards giving Camacho a game here rather than in the two tougher Prem games (vs Arsenal and Everton) before the Barca matchup.

3. Right wing – Marquinhos or Jonas?
Battle of the one name wonders. Marquinhos is in horrible form. Geordie fans are literally questioning his place in the team. And Jonas came off the bench to score the equalizer vs Chelsea so deserves the start and should be raring to go. But maybe Marquinhos needs an easy game like this to rediscover his form?

4. Who plays AM – Diego or Per Ciljan Skjelbred?
Diego’s looking good and I want to keep his momentum going, but Skjelbred has been waiting a long time to get back in the starting XI.

5. Who partners Laurito up front – Pog or Lewandowski?
This is tougher. Pog has got got seven goals in his last seven games. But four of those were in the same game, and he was useless vs Chelsea. Lewandowski on the other hand came off the bench to head in a 93rd minute winner in the last game.

Some other factors to bear in mind when answering the above questions:
We played Chelsea four days ago, and we play Arsenal four days after this game. So a little rotation wouldn’t be the worst thing.

Pog is captain while Coloccini is injured. Taylor is next in line after that. Then Camacho. So one of those guys probably needs to play.

Jonas can play left or right. Marquinhos can play up front (and actually prefers to, though he’s never really done the business up there.) John Fleck has been rested, but should make the bench.

What would you do, and why?

After reading the comments it seemed the majority favoured:

Sticking with 4-1-2-1-2 for the game against Chelsea despite the poor result against Portsmouth.

Starting Pog and Laurito up front, Diego behind, with Marquinhos and Arshavin out wide.

Here’s what that looked like:

Luckily Chelsea played a 4-4-2 with Frank Lampard and João Moutinho in the middle, Goran Pandev and Mario Gomez up top, Edgar Barreto and Nani (!!!) outside. So no need to worry about being outnumbered in midfield.

The St James’ Park crowd got their money’s worth in the first half with some good end to end football, but no goals.

Only disappointments were Marquinhos and The Pog, who both got a talking to at halftime. Marquinhos tried to pretend he couldn’t speak English but I wasn’t buying it. The telling off had exactly zero effect on either player in the second half. I miss Oba Martins. He knew how to respond to a telling off.

All the action came in the last 25 minutes. I subbed out Rusol (injured) and The Pog (rubbish) for Taylor and Lewandowski, and Pandev immediately put Chelsea 1-0 up. Time to panic. So, off came Marquinhos (even more rubbish than Pog) and on came an out of form Jonas. Diego dropped a little deeper, Jonas and Arshavin pushed up a bit, and everyone was told to play very fast and very direct (almost long ball but not quite, we’re not animals).

Jonas very quickly got on the end of a direct ball and poked it past Cech to equalize. I decided to gamble, cross my fingers and stick with the attacking formation. The reward came in the 93rd minute when Lewandowski headed home a winner. Get. In.

No goals or assists for Laurito, but he was a constant menace with his dribbling and took home a bottle of champagne. Here are the stats:

(click to enlarge)

Next up it’s WBA. I have a few questions to put to you about who should start vs The Baggies, but will save that for the next post.

Must confess, I was a little disappointed with the response on the last post. If we’re going to go ahead with this co-managing thing, I need a bit more input from everyone via the comments.

Seems that maybe part of the problem was the length of that last post. So rather than beating around the bush (pictured) I’ll get straight to it. After the jump of course…

Here’s the situation. We just lost 2-0 to Portsmouth in the Prem because their three man central midfield outnumbered my diamondish 4-1-2-1-2 (which had previously been pretty successful). Now we play Chelsea at home, and so the two big questions are:

1. Which formation? 4-1-2-1-2 or 4-4-2? We got it wrong vs Portsmouth, as they outnumbered us in midfield. So what should we do vs Chelsea? This is an important decision in my opinion.

2. Who starts up front vs Chelsea? We now have Pog, Lewandowski, Laurito and Marquinhos available. Marquinhos could play wide right (and has had more success there than up front) but someone still has to miss out. Who should it be?

The two responses so far have been from t’OM

Lop sided formation… nah, keep that for the lower leagues of Spain.

1)I’d play a 4-1-2-1-2. With Lampard and Deco getting forwards (and not so great coming back) you’re unlikely to be so overwhelmed in the middle of the park, and there is a fantastic opportunity for Arshavin (get me the tank) to exploit a lot of space. I’d withdraw my wingers slighty to give Arshavin more space ‘around the hole’ (tank).

2) Pog and Marquinhos

Good luck.

and from Benjamin:

go with 4-1-2-1-2. your DMC will break up their attack through the middle and your AMC will be enough to break their defence. shouldnt get any problems in midfield. doubt you’ll be overrun over there.

also, you might wanna try laurito. he is a very consistent striker will can score goals just about every match. partner him with either the pog or lewandowski. both should do well.

marquinhos on right with arshavin on left and diego through the centre. thats quite a scary thought if you think about it

Any more input on these two questions before I send our boys out to face Chelsea?

So now’s the time for some serious debate.

But first let me tell you what happened…

As almost unanimously agreed, we went out to face a depleted Portsmouth team with our attacking 4-1-2-1-2 formation:

Pompey didn’t even have a striker (Nicko Kranjkar started up front), but my worst fears came true as their three man midfield (one DM and two CMs) overpowered our more spread out middle men. They beat us 2-0 with both goals coming from our ex-player Mascio. Grr.

Here are the final stats:

Result: L 2-0

Next up was an FA Cup 4th Rnd tie vs Crystal Palace away. Palace are down near the bottom of the fizzy drink Championship so I gave some of the fringe players a run out.

You’ll notice there’s no Rodney Sneijder there, he’s gone out on loan to Sheff Utd. I’m going to give it a month and see how much they play him. If not eneough, he’s coming home. Ditto Thomas Knudsen who’s gone on loan to Hartlepool.

Nice to give Per Ciljan Skjelbred a chance. He lost his spot after an injury earlier in the season, but he’s a player I really like. Even if he did recently yak up on the field in real life:

(video via 101GG)

We beat Palace 2-0 with goals from Laurito and Dzagoev. But the fact that Shay Given got Man of the Match tells you we were lucky:

And the fans were not at all impressed, doing plenty of complaining via either 606 or Talksport:

I hope Tim Lovejoy/Stan Collymore stuck up for me.

More bad news, things aren’t going very well on the transfer front. Per Metersacker doesn’t want to discuss a contract just yet while Reading have refused all my offers (starting at £2m and going up to £3m). Plus the money situation does not look good:

Despite my staying well within all budgetary constraints, the club is somehow £2m in the red. And they’re only making 5% of transfer sales available for reinvestment (so of the £250k just received for Charles N’Zogbia (his contract was up in the summer and West Ham made a good offer) only £12.5k is available to spend). Seems digital Newcastle is no better run than real Newcastle.

So, on to the questions. After the above wobble, the next game is pretty important. And it’s against Chelsea, at home. Chelsea are managed by Jurgen Klinsmann and struggling a bit in 7th. They play a 4-4-2, with Goran Pandev and Mario Gomez up front:

After Chelsea, it WBA away, Arsenal at home, Everton away and then the Champions League knockout vs Barcelona.

So, for those still reading, here are the managerial questions:

1. Which formation? 4-1-2-1-2 or 4-4-2? We got it wrong vs Portsmouth, as they outnumbered us in midfield. So what should we do vs Chelsea? This is an important decision in my opinion.

2. Who starts up front vs Chelsea? We now have Pog, Lewandowski, Laurito and Marquinhos available. Marquinhos could play wide right (and has had more success there than up front) but someone still has to miss out. Who should it be?