Arrange Your Own Friendlies?

By: Daryl | December 17th, 2008

Managing: Newcastle
Date: August 25th, 2009
Progress: 12th in Prem after two games (two draws) and through to UEFA Cup group stage (or as good as).

When the Premier League fixtures were announced, it was clear that someone (namely the Premier League fixture computer) didn’t like me. My first four games were vs Liverpool, Villa, Man Utd and Arsenal. Rough.

Also, my ass man Chris Hughton came very very close to getting fired. He doesn’t even know how close. Basically I was waiting and waiting and waiting for him to arrange my friendlies for me, but nothing appeared. I’d written out what I wanted him to say at the press conference announcing his firing (”Daryl was a great boss and all I can do is apologize for failing him,” etc) when I realized it might be my fault instead. I’d forgotten to tick the box that says assistant manger options box that says “responsible for arranging friendly matches.” Still, isn’t it his job to remind me about things like that?

So with my UEFA Cup qualifying games approaching I the only thing you can do when your entire squad is desperately in need of some match fitness: Arrange a first team vs reserves friendly. Genius.

It finished 2-2, since you ask.

My only other friendlies were a 4-0 win over Cisco Roma (arranged when I bought Mascio off them, so at least they have better timing than RoPS) and a 1-1 draw with Napoli. Have now ticked the “assistant manager responsible for arranging friendlies” box and thrown an angry teacup at Chris Hughton just to make sure he remembers next year.

Luckily my UEFA Cup qualifying games (we were in the third round) provided a couple of good warm up games. As pre-season goes, you can’t really argue with competitive football matches against vastly inferior opposition. So luckily it all worked out, though Hughton has developed a nervous twitch whenever he sees me with a hot cuppa.

Match reports:

UEFA Cup qual round 3, vs Gornik Zbraze W 2-0 (away) W 3-1 (home)
They’re a Polish team, in case you were wondering. Started something close to my strongest XI for the first leg, though rested Martins and started Saviola alongside The Pog. Was rewarded with Savi (as he’s now christened) scoring a tap-in on his competitive debut after a scramble in the box (poacher, I like it) and then setting up Pog for the the second. Easy.

For some insane reason, the second leg was televised. Who on earth would want to show this game? My guess is Channel Five. Anyway, used it as a friendly and got a 3-1 win with goals from Martins, Leonardo and Lewandowski (who then got injured). The goal we conceded with sloppy, with Steven Taylor conceding a penalty. He also got booked and got a 5.4 rating in what should have been a walkover. Decided to drop his clumsy ass and partner Rusol and Coloccini at the back.

UEFA Cup 4th Qual Round 4, vs Inverness Cal (away) W 3-0
Had to play Liverpool three days later, but fielded my strongest team anyway. Why? Honestly, I was scared of screwing up. But no need to worry. Oba Martins scored an absolutely gorgeous hat-trick, and the Alan Dzagoev-Clément Chantôme midfield partnership looked decent, with Dzagoev pulling the strings and CC doing the legwork on his competitive debut.

vs Liverpool (home) D 1-1
Great, great start, with Oba Martins scoring a screamer after eight minutes. But then Liverpool came at me. We held out, but legs were tired with 30 minutes to go. Through a series of complicated hand gestures I told my wide men to tuck in and not make so many forward runs. But even after using all my subs there was a lot of heavy breathing out there and a lot of Shay Given saves until Robbie Keane equalized in the 79th. Still, solid Prem debut from Chantôme (43/49 passes completed, 6 key passes, 4 interception and 9.4km covered, 7.5 rating, I like). And in hindsight I’m glad I didn’t inflict an opening day defeat on poor Rafa Benitez. He told me afterwards that he’s going to give the Special Brew a rest, so at least that’s something.

vs Aston Villa (away) D 1-1
Not too happy about this. After picking a counter-attacking team (the pace of Martins and Savi up front, Pog on the bench, a little less width than usual) and carefully preparing the troops with instructions (show Ashley Young onto his left foot, Barry to his right etc) I got off to a dream start. Sweet passing move ended with a Chantôme strike from edge of the box after just six minutes. Get in. But as Villa went to kickoff my screen turned blue and I was told Windows had crashed. Blerg.

I decided to interpret the bluescreen as “match abandoned due to freak lightning storm” (so now you know what the picture all the way up there is about) and play again. Same lineup, same preparation. Except instead of being 1-0 up after six minutes, I was 1-0 down after 46, thanks to a horrible John Fleck pass that even Emmanuel Eboue would be ashamed of. And Oba Martins was injured.

So on came The Pog, as and back came the width, with Jonas and N’Zogbia (on for Fleck) pushed into proper attacking mid right/left positions. No tracking back. The Pog reminded me never to drop him again by scoring a 66th minute equalizer, but once again we had to rely on some Shay Given heroics. His average rating in the Premier League is 8.35 after two games. Might see about helping him out back there by re-introducing Taylor for Rusol.

And with that, I’m settled on my first XI, give or take. Here it is:

Actually… while inserted that image of my teamsheet I’ve spotted a huge problem. All my outfield players are under 30. That can’t be good. It’s also made me think that maybe we were so much better when Belleti played last season because he brought the average age up to something a bit less, well, spotty in midfield. Will get myself to Chelsea as soon as possible and ask if I can get him back .