Europe Here We Come! (Maybe)

By: Daryl | November 26th, 2008

Managing: Newcastle
Date: December 4th 2008
Progress: 3rd in Prem (no, really) after 16 games.

Not really sure how this has happened, but yeah, I’m in a Champions League spot. Just six points behind joint leaders Arsenal and Chelsea. Don’t believe me? I don’t blame you. But here’s a screenshot of the Premier League table, if it helps any. No Photoshoppinng involved.

You’ll probably notice that I’ve played a game more than most teams, and almost definitely don’t have the squad to stay in the top four until May. But shhh. Don’t tell them I said that. The player’s confidence is higher than Diego Maradona at the ‘94 World Cup right now.

Quick match reports, all playing my early nineties Kevin Keegan 4-4-2 kamikaze approach:

vs Portsmouth (away) D 1-1. It took another Shay Given magic show (man of the match again) and a 90th minute equalizer from Charles N’Zogbia to keep this at 1-1. Just like against Chelsea, both goals came in the last ten minutes. Not sure whether that means something or if it’s juts a co-incidence.

Carling Cup vs Man City (home) L 4-2 aet. I actually led 2-1 through two Oba Martins goals, until Robinho equalized in the 93rd. Then the tired Toon Army legs conceded two more in extra time (had already made all my subs and even they were tired). So I’m out of the Carling Cup and surprisingly pissed about it. Was thinking maybe that was a trophy I could have won. Also Mark Hughes & Robinho have now put seven past me in two games. Think I’ve found a nemesis.

vs West Ham (away) D 1-1. Dominated this game but was a goal down after 27 minutes. A Pavel Pogrebnyak equalizer right before half time (apparently ending his “goal drought” which neither he nor I knew about) rescued a point. Dear Diary: It’s now three games without a win.

vs Hull (away) W 1-0. Alan Dzagoev isn’t cutting it. He’s only 18 but he’s got Steven Gerrard syndrome, trying the million dollar through ball every single time. More often than not it doesn’t come off, so we lose possession and his passing stats look like poop. Newcastle fans not happy with him either. I’m convinced he’ll come good when he starts maturing, but right now he does not look like a 6.75m midfielder. In fact, the handy “confidence summary” screen tells me “your decision to sign Alan Dzagoev is regarded by the fans as an aberration.” Ouchy.

Anyway, he’s out (not because of the fans but because of his form, mostly 5s and 6s) and Joey Barton is in. We win 1-0 with a Coloccini header. p.s in my game, Hull are 19th. So in this instance, Football Manager 2009 is actually more realistic than real life, where they’re 6th.

vs Stoke (home) W 4-1. Oba Martins has said he wants to move to a bigger club. I told him Newcastle will match his ambitions. He was tired anyway so I was planning to give him a rest, but in my head I benched him for being a selfish dick. Ditto Charles N’Zogbia who says he’ll find it hard to resist a move to Bordeaux. And apparently Bordeaux boss Laurent Blanc is at St James’ Park to see N’Zogbia in action. Hope you enjoy watching him sit on his arse for 90 minutes Blanc, cus he’s benched too. Robert Lewandowski replaces Martins and scores in the first minute. Yes. Jose Enrique replaces N’Zogbia at left back and gets a solid 7.1 rating. Double yes. We win 4-1, goals from Lewandowski, Guthrie and two for Pogrebnyak. Now in third.

vs Spurs (home) W 3-2. Very confusing press conference. I was asked how I was going to counter the threat of Roman Pavlyuchenko and got very angry because I got him confused with Pogrebnyak and thought the game had a bug. Refused to comment, even when journos pressed me. Didn’t realize my mistake until I saw the Spurs team sheet. Never mind. Maybe the press will think I’m pleasantly eccentric. Told Oba he was going nowhere and he didn’t say much in response. I take that as an “OK then” and put him back in the fist XI.

Game starts very very badly. Spurs are constantly breaking my offside trap and I’m two down after 25 mins (Modric and Campebll scored). So… I push my wingers up to make a 4-2-4, instruct the team to play long balls to Pogrebnyak’s head (not Pavlyuchenko’s, he plays for the opposition) and – crucually – push my defensive line as high up the field as humanly possible. And it works.

No more chances for Spurs as they can’t get past my highline. First Martin mugs Gomes and rolls the ball into an empty net, then Pogrenyak goes down (suspiciously) in the area and Martins buries the pen, before finally Martins runs on to a Pog knock down and scores the winner. Best day ever.

So third place is mine for now. It will be near impossible to keep, with next to no money to spend in January. But I’m starting to think a UEFA Cup spot might be possible.